People Can Make You or Break You

Your relationships can tell a lot about you.

 My mother would say to me be careful of a person that has no friends and when you meet their friends it tells a lot about the individual.

I did not get that until I reached adulthood of course.  I realized that the people who surround you can make a big difference in your life.  My mother was so dedicated to this idea when my sister and I were kids that she did not let us go outside and play with kids in my neighborhood because she thought they were a bad influence.  I hated it!!! I thought she was the worse mother in the world.

As I matured I found out that people can either help you get the best from life or they can cause you to become stuck in the same place.  If you are surrounded by people that are driven and want a life that they create with a purpose, you will do the same thing.  But if you are around a group of people that expect nothing from life or themselves, you will react the same way.

I am sure you have heard the saying, they act like crabs in a barrel.  This is a true statement because like crabs, people imitate the movement of those that surround them.

It is fact that we learn more about ourselves and become better people when we are in relation with each other.  But who we allow in our lives makes a big difference in the outcome of our lives.

Who are the people in your life?

Stop Being Mediocre

People are so awe struck by celebrities and pseudo-celebrities, and I am sure we all know the distinction. We are so engrossed by their lives and their existence because we believe for some reason they are special and more deserving of the life they have created for themselves.

 Newsflash: they are not. There is no difference between them and you internally. Some of them have had really difficult lives as a child and had to struggle to become who they are and create the career they have developed. But here is the difference: they have decided to create their life and not allow their life to create them.

 No one is born into greatness (unless you are Prince Harry and Prince William), but each one of us is designed for greatness to happen. I know some of you are thinking at this very moment, my life is not great; therefore, I must not be designed in that way. But ahh... here is the thing; it has been your choice of whether to take the path of greatness or mediocrity. No circumstance or person can cause you to choose either path. It must come from your personal will to do so.


 The path of greatness is much harder than the path of mediocrity, because you actually have to create some expectation for yourself, other than going to a 9 – 5 and coming home and watching TV. Trust me; greatness is not just about a career it’s about your life in its totality from relationships to career.

 The next couple of steps will detail how to create your life for greatness:

  1. Choose your Relationships

The only relationship you can't choose is your family. But your friends and your partners are actually a choice. Recently, I said to myself I want to strategically choose my friends. I don’t want to fall into a friendship because we work at the same job or live in the same neighborhood. But I want to consciously think about the friendship. Is this the type of person that will enrich my life in a positive and inspiring way?

 2. I am great

 If you do not believe it then it will not happen. I want you to repeat this over and over again until you believe it. You can’t be what you do not believe. If you repeat this statement, your life will begin to show you evidence of how great you are and can become. Say it until it sticks.

  3. Stop being Comfortable

You can’t be comfortable and be great. Greatness involves risks and chances. It involves sometimes believing in your gut when society is saying no. A piece of advice a mentor gave me that I always remembered, you should always get butterflies throughout life because then you know that you are grabbing the bull by the horns.

 4. Learn the Lesson

Stop feeling sorry for yourself!!!! Learn from your last failure and your last mistake. You can't learn from it if you are sitting in it. So don’t sit in it… stand in it, look at it, inspect it, write it down, and keep it moving.

 5. Be in the Present 

Stop comparing your yesterday to today. Stop holding onto a relationship that’s over. Stop regretting the opportunity you missed. Your blessing and your breakthrough is in the now. Your next opportunity is in the now. If you are thinking about your yesterday and your next day, you will miss the many opportunities in this day.

Meditation: Changed My Moments

Meditation has been calling me for a while now.  I am a graduate from Lutheran Theological Seminary and I have my Masters in Arts & Religion so I thought it was God just calling me to spend more time in prayer.  But it was not and I could feel like there was something more, something missing.

To be honest, the reason I knew there was something missing was because I was still feeling anxious and not at peace.  Prayer was not giving me that peace.  When I told different people this, some would say I was not praying right and others would tell me that I am not spending enough time in prayer.  I immediately thought I have been praying more than half my life and one thing I know about prayer is there is not a specific way to pray nor is there a certain proper length of time to remain in prayer.  I dismissed that advice.  But this uneasiness continued to remain within me.

Until one day, I realized what was happening.  I was praying with expectation and canceling out the moment I was in presently.  I would pray for change and then get up and want God to work in a big way immediately.  I was so frustrated with the current moments in my life that I wanted change to happen immediately or at least a sign.  I was so frustrated that I could not see the blessings in my present situation.  The blessings that I would always tell other people not to take for granted.   It was not connecting for me.  I would pray and ask God to work not getting that God was working.

On my way to meditation class I started thinking, I hope I do really well and I hope I do not fall asleep.  I get there.  I walk in and it was very peaceful.  A person at the desk greeted me and the meditation leader, Chris, was standing there.  He smiled and said welcome.  He asked me to take my shoes off before entering and I thought I suspected that would happen so I wore really nice socks.  Anyway, he asked what made you come and I was honest and said it’s been calling me.  I immediately became shy and said I hope that did not sound weird. Chris smiled and said no, it was a beautiful description.  

He asked me would I like to sit in a chair or on the floor.  I told him the floor so he gave me a carpet to sit on and a u-shaped pillow.  He guided me to sit on the carpet and informed me the pillow is used to help take the pressure off.  He said I could sit any way I pleased or lay on the floor.

I sat with my legs crossed and placed the pillow on my lap.  Chris explained that he plays a song that we can meditate on and then he reads something from a master and then go into two 20 minute meditation sessions.  When I arrived I was the only one there so he wanted to wait a couple of minutes.  Then he said that he guess I am the only one and that this has never happened and he has been teaching the class for three years.  He said that there is an energy that really wants you to meditate.  Then he informed me that I should not try to meditate, just meditate.  He explained that effort is not involved just be.  He told me that many Westerners use effort for everything and it’s not needed.  This took a lot of weight off of me with meditation and other things in my life.  I thought, yeah just be what God is calling you to become.  That effort turns into anxiety, stress, and worry.  As a speaker and an author, there is no effort just preparation but through that preparation I should just be. 

We get started.  The first session I closed my eyes and my thoughts were racing.  Chris was guiding me throughout the meditation in a very soft peaceful voice.  He said that when my thoughts come do not ride that wave for long but concentrate on the water fall and also my breathing to bring me back to center, back to the present.

My thoughts surrounded everything from future goals to things I was worried about at that moment.  Then I would let them go and start to think about my breathing or concentrate on the water fall in the background.   They would go away as if they were a puff of smoke.   Then I heard something that I had not heard in a while…surrounded by silence and peace I heard, everything is going to be ok and everything is ok right now.  I almost cried because I have not heard that in a while.  Then he hit a bell and the first session was over.  I felt great!!! We talked and he said that meditation is just focused energy to the present.  There is no such thing as a good or bad meditation session it just is. 

I explained to him that I have achilles tendinitis and it began to hurt.  I did not get upset I focused on it to stop hurting and I explained that I it stopped but it felt like my foot fell asleep.  He explained that what was happening was that my energy was going there and allowing the pain to decrease and I felt a tingling.  He said there is a healing power in meditation.  This impressed me even more.  I could not believe it.  He told me that this is coming natural for me.

We started the second 20 minute session and my first thoughts were you are not a natural and you are not going to have the same relaxed feeling.  I could not believe it because I always thought of myself as a very positive person with positive thoughts.  I recognized it and I knew it was a lie. Then I let that thought go and quiet and peace returned again.

I felt as if I had just gotten a massage!!! I felt so relaxed.  I was okay to be in my present moment and I finally see the beauty in them.  Meditation taught me to be in the moment but not of the moment.  I do not have to be anxious or worried but things are happening as they should be.  I still have goals I want to accomplish but right now is ok and tomorrow will be fine, because it’s all connected.   I am definitely going tonight and I have incorporated 5 minute meditation sessions in my personal daily routine, once in the morning and at night. 

I continue to pray but prayers are filled more with gratitude than anxiety and worry.

I love meditation.

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Champagne Taught Me a Lesson

I went to the adult juice store, as I sometimes do when I have had a long day, a sunny day, or just a day.
As I stared at the wine section, walking up and down the aisle, as if I was a wine connoisseur and knew all about wine, I turned around and my eyes connected with the champagne section.

I picked up one of the bottles and I began to think of all the things I was working toward in my life. I thought I can not wait to buy a bottle of champagne and celebrate those things.  Then I thought, I do not have anything to celebrate at this moment, so I put the bottle back.

As I walked down the aisle, I stopped and I looked at myself and thought, "What did I just do?"  I did the thing that I tell my clients not to do.  I let my negative thoughts decide my actions in the moment, which means I robbed myself of having an authentic moment.

I corrected that negative voice immediately and thought of all the things I have to celebrate.

1. I am breathing.
2. I am able to walk.
3. I do not live on the street.
4. I have a job
5. I have the possibility of making my life better.
6. I have my health.
7. I have the grace of God guiding my footsteps.

After I went down this mental checklist...I walked back to the champagne bottle and picked it up. Then I thought I am not going to wait to celebrate future events that may happen.  I am going to celebrate now for the moment I am standing in.  This is the moment I have and this is all I have, I do not know what is going to happen in the next moment.  I just know what is happening in this present moment.

Don't wait to celebrate life because you do not know when it could be over so the only thing you have is this moment.  This very moment.

Get out of your authentic way, look at the moment, count your blessings, and celebrate!!!!