Meditation has been calling me for a while now. I am a graduate from Lutheran Theological
Seminary and I have my Masters in Arts & Religion so I thought it was God
just calling me to spend more time in prayer.
But it was not and I could feel like there was something more, something
missing.
To be honest, the reason I knew there was something missing
was because I was still feeling anxious and not at peace. Prayer was not giving me that peace. When I told different people this, some would
say I was not praying right and others would tell me that I am not spending
enough time in prayer. I immediately
thought I have been praying more than half my life and one thing I know about
prayer is there is not a specific way to pray nor is there a certain proper
length of time to remain in prayer. I
dismissed that advice. But this
uneasiness continued to remain within me.
Until one day, I realized what was happening. I was praying with expectation and canceling
out the moment I was in presently. I would
pray for change and then get up and want God to work in a big way immediately. I was so frustrated with the current moments
in my life that I wanted change to happen immediately or at least a sign. I was so frustrated that I could not see the
blessings in my present situation. The
blessings that I would always tell other people not to take for granted. It was not connecting for me. I would pray and ask God to work not getting
that God was working.
On my way to meditation class I started thinking, I hope I
do really well and I hope I do not fall asleep.
I get there. I walk in and it was
very peaceful. A person at the desk
greeted me and the meditation leader, Chris, was standing there. He smiled and said welcome. He asked me to take my shoes off before entering
and I thought I suspected that would happen so I wore really nice socks. Anyway, he asked what made you come and I was honest and
said it’s been calling me. I immediately
became shy and said I hope that did not sound weird. Chris smiled and said no,
it was a beautiful description.
He asked
me would I like to sit in a chair or on the floor. I told him the floor so he gave me a carpet
to sit on and a u-shaped pillow. He
guided me to sit on the carpet and informed me the pillow is used to help take
the pressure off. He said I could sit
any way I pleased or lay on the floor.
I sat with my legs crossed and placed the pillow on my
lap. Chris explained that he plays a
song that we can meditate on and then he reads something from a master and then
go into two 20 minute meditation sessions.
When I arrived I was the only one there so he wanted to wait a couple of
minutes. Then he said that he guess I am
the only one and that this has never happened and he has been teaching the
class for three years. He said that
there is an energy that really wants you to meditate. Then he informed me that I should not try to
meditate, just meditate. He explained
that effort is not involved just be. He
told me that many Westerners use effort for everything and it’s not
needed. This took a lot of weight off of
me with meditation and other things in my life.
I thought, yeah just be what God is calling you to become. That effort turns into anxiety, stress, and
worry. As a speaker and an author, there
is no effort just preparation but through that preparation I should just
be.
We get started. The
first session I closed my eyes and my thoughts were racing. Chris was guiding me throughout the
meditation in a very soft peaceful voice.
He said that when my thoughts come do not ride that wave for long but
concentrate on the water fall and also my breathing to bring me back to center,
back to the present.
My thoughts surrounded everything from future goals to
things I was worried about at that moment.
Then I would let them go and start to think about my breathing or
concentrate on the water fall in the background. They would go away as if they were a puff of
smoke. Then I heard something that I
had not heard in a while…surrounded by silence and peace I heard, everything is
going to be ok and everything is ok right now.
I almost cried because I have not heard that in a while. Then he hit a bell and the first session was
over. I felt great!!! We talked and he
said that meditation is just focused energy to the present. There is no such thing as a good or bad
meditation session it just is.
I explained to him that I have achilles tendinitis and it
began to hurt. I did not get upset I
focused on it to stop hurting and I explained that I it stopped but it felt
like my foot fell asleep. He explained
that what was happening was that my energy was going there and allowing the
pain to decrease and I felt a tingling.
He said there is a healing power in meditation. This impressed me even more. I could not believe it. He told me that this is coming natural for me.
We started the second 20 minute session and my first thoughts
were you are not a natural and you are not going to have the same relaxed
feeling. I could not believe it because
I always thought of myself as a very positive person with positive thoughts. I recognized it and I knew it was a lie. Then
I let that thought go and quiet and peace returned again.
I felt as if I had just gotten a massage!!! I felt so
relaxed. I was okay to be in my present moment
and I finally see the beauty in them. Meditation
taught me to be in the moment but not of the moment. I do not have to be anxious or worried but
things are happening as they should be.
I still have goals I want to accomplish but right now is ok and tomorrow
will be fine, because it’s all connected. I am definitely going tonight and I have
incorporated 5 minute meditation sessions in my personal daily routine, once in
the morning and at night.
I continue to pray but prayers are filled more with gratitude
than anxiety and worry.
I love meditation.
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