Pain is such a human characteristic because most of the pain that
human beings experience is not about the pain of the moment; it’s about pain
regarding something that happened in the past or pain about something that may
happen in the future. It’s so ironic because, the past you cannot change
and the future you have no control over it, but still there is intense pain for
both. The one thing we can recreate is our moments and we give away our
power in that moment to the pain of yesterday or the pain of tomorrow.
I received a letter from my nephew a
couple of days ago; he is currently in jail serving a three year sentence.
The main focus of the letter was how much pain he has experienced and the
amount of pain he is in currently. It broke my heart to read this, for my
nephew is a brilliant young man and with a personality that is so cool and laid
back. I have had some of my best conversations debating with my nephew.
To say the least I miss him.
In the letter he stated that the pain from
his life caused him to make certain decisions. I am sure that the majority of
our brothers living in the prison industrial complex feel the same way.
But what do they do now? How do they change? The only thing I
can say and said to my nephew in my return letter was that I love you.
Love has to heal this. I am not talking about a carnal love (of
course); I am talking about a love that sees the best in you even when you are
doing badly. A love that can still points toward your strengths even when
you seem to be at your weakest and scariest moment. A love that realizes
you cannot control anything except the love that you offer.
Most importantly, a love that holds the
other person accountable. I explained to my nephew that it is time for
him to stop blaming the pain for his decisions and know from this point forward
he is responsible for how he responds to the pain in his life.
One thing we all struggle with daily, no
matter the education or the salary is how to manage our pain differently so it
does not take us under. I told my nephew that it is time for him to
manage his pain in a way that it moves him to take a place in this world
instead of the pain showing him the place he needs to reside which is in &
out of jail or in the streets.
Pain never goes away; it’s just our
understanding of it that changes. That
helps us to become more authentic and powerful human beings. There is no way around it. If you are searching for the authentic you,
one must face their pain. That understanding allows us to soar because
then one will begin to realize pain is a necessary evil. But it does not have to be the cause of our
mental, emotional, or physical demise.
The pain my nephew is experiencing is no
different from the pain I am experiencing or that you may be experiencing. The
only difference is the details. But pain
is pain is pain. There is no barometer for pain and there is no quick fix.
If you think about nothing else from this blog think about this,
as I told my nephew, in this moment you have all the power to consciously
decide how you will deal with the pain in your life. Will you carry it or
will it carry you? The choices one makes hangs on the answer to that
question because most of the choices we make is a reflection of how we have
dealt with the pain in our lives.
I can look at a person’s choices over the last year and I can tell
whether they are running from pain or dealing with it. The dangerous part about running is that there
are not many places to run and life moves in a circular pattern instead of an
upward progressive movement.
So I will leave you with what I told my nephew you can do this,
you can face your pain, because you are too special not too.
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