Pakistan

I don't know who you were

Or

the person you were trying to become

but my soul is humming songs of pain and solace for you & your country

for this day should have never come



a day full of terror and nightmares
a day full of toils & snares
a day that was supposed to be full of promise

I honor you having never known the sound of your heart beat
or the color of your eyes
or what it would feel like to ever see you smile

You are now counted among the stars & protected from any harm

My only prayer is that God will offer Holy arms of comfort to
all of your friends, parents, brothers, & sisters that mourn.

To those that mourn I pray for your strength, for though we
are from different lands, ethnicities, and religions;
I pray for your healing & if I could give a piece
of me so you could have peace I would.

But this is what I have to offer.

My heart, through these words in a naive way, hoping that
somehow, in someway it will help you not to suffer.

I end with your standard greeting:

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaahi wa barakato

I really do pray for the peace & mercy & blessing of God upon you.

A friend you never met.

Meagan.

Torch of America

The Torch of America

If you have ever seen a torch run in the Olympics it is not carried by one person it is carried by many and they do not carry it alone they are met by people standing on the side cheering them on.  They are met by smiles and acceptance, not asking why you are here but saying what took you so long for we are glad you finally arrived. 

What is our torch of America?

What is the symbol that we have held high?

America has long tried to create a land full of promises and dreams, a land that could generate a torch that would burn for freedom.  The 14^th amendment states

“No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

This torch has been burning out slowly.

America has swum in the deep waters of complacency for a long time now.  America isn’t a land of democracy because it’s given to us; it’s a land of democracy because we must demand it on a daily basis. 

We have stopped demanding and began fighting.  The difference is to demand is a planned strategic action and to fight is to act out in an emotional reaction.  The former puts power at the forefront and the latter puts your weakness on display.

Demanding is when the Native Americans fought the settlers in North Carolina because they did not want to be enslaved any longer which then destroyed farming for two years.

Demanding is when the first women’s rights convention was held in New York demanding the rights of women especially for the right to vote.

Demanding is when the Congress of Racial Equality began to organize freedom rides throughout the south to try to de-segregate interstate public bus travel.

You may see the pattern but demanding rights is a strategic plan in responding to systematic injustices.  Fighting is an emotional reaction to the actions of another human being.

Ferguson your neighborhood was burning down before you began to burn it down.  You just decided to react when someone put you (to use an old school term) on front street.  Your trash was out there for everyone to see and now the nation was looking too.  Did you make this trash by yourself no, like in most urban neighborhoods the trash is made by us and given to us with no clean up help in sight.

But, buildings should have been burning when the first abandoned building was made into a crack house, you should have been marching in the streets when voter registration was below 60%, and you should have took to the streets in arms when your graduation rate was low for those in economically challenging circumstances.

My frustration is birthed from the fact that we have continuously displayed the same reaction and not a plan of action.  I applaud organizations that are on the front lines of change, but they should be the rule and not the exception to the rule.

To all those that marched in the street I am always proud to see the different hues and cultures of America come together and march, for that is the torch that America has carried.  Democracy was challenged and held accountable with African-Americans by marching in the streets.  But, the difference is there was a plan and a goal after the march was over.

I dare to assume that most of the people that were marching yesterday, no matter what state, awakened the next day with a story to tell and not a plan to put in place to help those that are displaced, disinherited, and dispossessed of opportunities for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is very interesting that as POTUS passes a new immigration bill for some of our brothers and sisters in this country to just get 10% of what most of us take for granted, we are marching for the rights of people that helped to build the very foundation of this land.

If only we would walk hand in hand to help generate change before it is forced upon us.

What is our torch America?

What are we passing on to each other?

What does Your actions say about Your truth

Each thing you do in your life screams what you believe yourself to be and tells the world who you are in that moment.

Basically, each action in your life is a self-affirmation; it affirms you.  This means that it tells the very truth that you feel regarding yourself.

For instance, if you continuously move from relationship to relationship, whether you know it or not this action is screaming many things.  The sexy and surface answers could be that you may be in love with love or that you want to build a life with that perfect someone and you must find them.  But really what it could be screaming is I can't make it on my own, or I need someone to validate me because I am not enough, or I do not really like myself so I can not be alone with myself.

Think about the things you do and think about the truth behind those actions.  What truth is driving those actions, the good and the bad; is it fear, confidence, peace, insecurity etc.

When you figure out the truth, then you can figure out how to change an action or duplicate it if it benefits your life.  Or you can get help with figuring out how to handle the truth so it no longer affects your life.

Be brave because the truth will set you free.

MY OPEN LETTER TO JANAY RICE

““THIS IS OUR LIFE!” she wrote. “What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is!”

My open letter to Janay Rice.

Dear Mrs. Rice:

I do not know you.  You have no idea who I am.  I do not know anything about your story, the story of your life.  I do not know your childhood memories, or what your hopes and dreams were as a young girl.  I have no idea what makes you laugh or what makes you fear the most? So why should I even write this letter?

Well, from a person that used to live and operate from a place of pain.  I just wanted to tell you that…that life can be a painful thing.  I know that sounds weird looking at the situation you just experienced and are experiencing at the moment.  I mean who am I to tell you?

 But, the thing about pain is that you can become used to it, so that it actually becomes your barometer for comfort, for how you live your life.  Its like you begin to think in a very subconscious way that chaos is just how life is meant to be lived and that you have to get through the very painful times to experience small amounts of happiness.  In fact the painful has to happen for happiness to be happening in your life. 

Then you tell yourself  that this is what you deserve.  It is a proven emotional  pattern of any persons human existence that what they accept in their lives is what they truly believe they deserve.  If you did not think you deserved it then you would not remain in it.  Even if you are thinking (which I don’t know if you are but just in case you do) that I can change him, you are telling the universe I deserve to put my peace, joy, and whole self on the back burner so someone else has the chance to knock me down; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  This is what I deserve.

I don’t wonder about your husband, I don’t care about the NFL at this moment.  My thoughts are for you.  My heart pulls towards you.  Again I don’t know you…but what I know for sure is the idea of yourself was broken before you and Mr. Rice laid eyes on each other.  The pain that you have experienced through your life has now defined how you operate within life.  It has convinced you that it is ok to operate from a place of brokenness without a chance to heal.

Each person, especially women, have to fight each day to connect with their whole and true selves.  Women are taught to be strong, not vulnerable, and do not allow the world to see you weak.  In that mode of behavior we must shut out the pain and lie to ourselves on a daily basis and pretend everything is ok.

Well, Ms. Rice it is not ok.  Your last line stated “we will continue to grow and show the world what real love is.”  Again you represent a place trying to be strong, show a fierce face, while you are breaking inside.  Yes , both of you can grow but not together for your husband has already confirmed in you what yu have felt for a long time that you are not worthy to be loved.  Real love…well real love will never happen for you until it happens within you first.

God bless you Mrs. Rice and I hope that this chaos that is on public display will finally give you the courage to release and heal the chaos, hurt, and pain that exist within you.  

Meagan.

Immigration "The New Bully"

Let me tell you a story about a child and as I tell you I want you to picture this child. 

The child grew up in a home that was filled with love and surrounded by family.  The child’s life was not always perfect.  There were times that there was no food, no electricity, and no phone.  There was no money for clothes or to really hang out with friends. The child was alone often in their teens. But what this child had was a mother that told the child often, “Yes we may struggle but I am going to teach you what to do and where to go so your life will not be as hard.”  The child listened and began to think about how amazing this other life would be; a life filled with opportunities and possibilities.  There was a time when this child lived in a one room apartment with mother and aunt, but this child knew one day if they worked hard enough and persevered life would change.

Well, the child above was me.  I am not giving you a sob story because I would not change my childhood for anything.  But just imagine if someone told me, I could not try to do better, what if someone had stopped me and told me to continue to live in the conditions and situation I was birthed into just because…well, no real reason just the luck of the draw.  Like the lottery. 

This is what we tell immigrant children and adults each year to stay where you are…why...well just because.  The list on the “just because” goes on and on; just because this is America, just because you were not born here, just because there is no room, and just because you are not worthy. 

People do not understand that it was just by the fate of Gods hand that you were born in the United States of America.  Immigration is the NEW BULLY because Americans think that they are so special that it was their God given birthright to be born or have access to the land of the free and the home of the brave.  How dare you consider yourself so different than another human being to deny them rights, basic rights of humanity.  Most immigrants come over to America and feel blessed and grateful to live a meager life that most Americans would be ashamed to live because we have been taught that we are so special.

The American government spends at least one million dollars in countries like El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras to run TV commercials spouting how dangerous it is to try to come to America and how you may die on route.  Guess what?  People are coming any way by the bus loads.  That should tell you something.  As a nun said in Texas, whose church helps to house the immigrants when they first come over, it is a life or death situation for them.

In this day and age too many people believe they are special and they have done nothing except bought a new car and designer clothes.  We, as Americans, have the best of everything in terms of technology, opportunity, and yes the education may not be that great but if you stop staring at the problem from the top and think of a solution from the bottom maybe it could change.

Children are arriving with no shoes on their feet.  Yes some of you may be saying they will commit crimes.  Of course some will because people are people and not all are perfect upstanding and morally sound.  But some Americans, in fact a lot of Americans are ignorant, but I don’t see protests and laws forming to stop you from having children.  In the bible it says, pride cometh before a fall.  Keep being prideful America and we will surely fall worse than we have already.

Pain:The Necessary Evil

Pain is such a human characteristic because most of the pain that human beings experience is not about the pain of the moment; it’s about pain regarding something that happened in the past or pain about something that may happen in the future.  It’s so ironic because, the past you cannot change and the future you have no control over it, but still there is intense pain for both.  The one thing we can recreate is our moments and we give away our power in that moment to the pain of yesterday or the pain of tomorrow.

I received a letter from my nephew a couple of days ago; he is currently in jail serving a three year sentence.  The main focus of the letter was how much pain he has experienced and the amount of pain he is in currently.  It broke my heart to read this, for my nephew is a brilliant young man and with a personality that is so cool and laid back.  I have had some of my best conversations debating with my nephew.  To say the least I miss him.  

In the letter he stated that the pain from his life caused him to make certain decisions. I am sure that the majority of our brothers living in the prison industrial complex feel the same way.  But what do they do now?  How do they change?  The only thing I can say and said to my nephew in my return letter was that I love you.  Love has to heal this.  I am not talking about a carnal love (of course); I am talking about a love that sees the best in you even when you are doing badly.  A love that can still points toward your strengths even when you seem to be at your weakest and scariest moment.  A love that realizes you cannot control anything except the love that you offer.  

Most importantly, a love that holds the other person accountable.  I explained to my nephew that it is time for him to stop blaming the pain for his decisions and know from this point forward he is responsible for how he responds to the pain in his life. 

One thing we all struggle with daily, no matter the education or the salary is how to manage our pain differently so it does not take us under.  I told my nephew that it is time for him to manage his pain in a way that it moves him to take a place in this world instead of the pain showing him the place he needs to reside which is in & out of jail or in the streets.

Pain never goes away; it’s just our understanding of it that changes.  That helps us to become more authentic and powerful human beings.  There is no way around it.  If you are searching for the authentic you, one must face their pain.  That understanding allows us to soar because then one will begin to realize pain is a necessary evil.  But it does not have to be the cause of our mental, emotional, or physical demise. 

The pain my nephew is experiencing is no different from the pain I am experiencing or that you may be experiencing. The only difference is the details.  But pain is pain is pain. There is no barometer for pain and there is no quick fix.  

If you think about nothing else from this blog think about this, as I told my nephew, in this moment you have all the power to consciously decide how you will deal with the pain in your life.  Will you carry it or will it carry you?  The choices one makes hangs on the answer to that question because most of the choices we make is a reflection of how we have dealt with the pain in our lives. 

I can look at a person’s choices over the last year and I can tell whether they are running from pain or dealing with it.  The dangerous part about running is that there are not many places to run and life moves in a circular pattern instead of an upward progressive movement.

So I will leave you with what I told my nephew you can do this, you can face your pain, because you are too special not too.

Success/ Relationship: which should come first

A FB friend brought up a really good topic: Which is more important to find & build a relationship or becoming a success?  Many people made some really great comments. Many commented on which one comes first, neither outweighing the other. One person said, which I thought was really good, that it depends on how you define success.

I have seen many people that are successful and want a relationship, and also vice versa.  The point is when you have one you always look for the other.

If one is building a healthy relationship then that relationship will propel you toward success because it gives you the confidence as if you are able to do anything. The confidence is that you have someone that sees you for you and still has your back.

I mentioned these comments on FB, but here is what I did not mention.

An intimate relationship really teaches you about yourself. It teaches you how you deal with your personal mistakes, how you react when someone hurts you, and also how you handle change and growth.  Also, it shows you how you adapt to the world around you because no relationship is perfect. Sometimes relationships experience tight spaces. But when you navigate through this in a healthy relationship it helps to celebrate who you are but also allows you to feel comfortable in your mistakes and faults so you can continue to grow.  

Also we as beings that are always trying to find and solidify our place in the world have to be conscious of the road we travel to get there. Whatever road we choose guides our vision of how we see the world and also the tools we use to show up in the world.  So if you consciously choose to wait until you are successful to allow a meaningful intimate relationship to happen then you will most likely judge the depth and the value of your "relating" to people through that success.  You will also judge your value within a relationship based upon what your external will offer and not the unlimited gifts your internal offers.  It teaches you to hide under a veil of something that exists totally on the outside that extends from your ego.  

Whatever decision one makes, you must be honest about the reasons why you are making such a concrete decision regarding the flow of your life.  You must be honest with yourself because most of the time it has to do with how you feel about your being.  Even if a person decides they must have a relationship prior to success, one must ask themselves is it because they feel inadequate traveling through life alone; or maybe it’s because for them to feel whole they must be in a relationship.  Even this presents a challenge.

I am not totally sure what the right answer is…but what I know for sure is that we must be careful in telling the universe how our life is going to happen and in what order for sometimes we miss our unique designed blessed path.