I am currently reading a book entitled, "Healing The Shame
That Binds You" written
by John Bradshaw. I encourage everyone to read this book, but one of the
things I have learned is that there is a difference between shame and guilt.
Guilt is when people feel like they have
made a mistake. Shame is when people feel they are a mistake. When
a person feels shame they continuously focus on their pain and not finding a
solution. Guilt accepts the mistake then tries to find a solution within
the pain. Many people have felt both of these emotions at different points
within their lives but with different amounts of intensity. Anyone who
says they have not is either lying or have not been introspective enough within
their own lives to figure it out.
A period in my life which I felt shame was
as a child and leading into my mid-twenties. My shame was that my family
lived in poverty. While in grade school, a friend was supposed to sleep
over; well my friend's parent called my mother and explained that my friend
could not come because the neighborhood was not safe enough It hurt me and
it told me in so many ways that my home was not good enough.
I became ashamed of the financial
situation of my family. I worked hard from that point to cover it up my
shame. I did not maintain friendships during high school because I was
ashamed that I could not hang out with my friends and buy clothes because of my
family's financial situation. I realized that my life was not as
privileged as others around me. So I began to work hard to prove to
others that I was special, but at the same time feeling so insecure about whom
I was as a person.
I was basically running from my past...at
least trying to run.
It was not until my mid 20s that I stopped
running from the shame of my family's financial situation and began to stop
making decisions based on trying to prove my childhood wrong because that was
not living authentically. I was living to turn a truth into a lie.
The truth is that I did have a childhood
that was filled with financial hardship, such as moving often and at times food
scarcity. That was not my total truth.
My total truth is that I had a loving
mother who cared for me deeply, a family that helped often so things would not
become too rough, and I still had hope and a driving destiny.
You may feel ashamed about something; maybe
its abuse that you have experienced, a mistake you have made, or maybe it has
something to do with you. I do not know what it is but here is how you
turn something from away from the feeling of shame.
1. Know where it comes from
Most shame comes
from an external voice, action, or experience placed upon you. Figure out
where that hurt and pain comes from and know that you are not that experience,
opinion, or the action that was done to you. You are much more.
2. Understand that you are running
Show me a person,
who has an addiction issue, I will show a person that is running from shame.
Show me a person that struggles to show emotion and I will show you a
person that is hiding something from themselves. Know why you are
running, most of the time it has to do with fear.
3. Get Help
You cannot
move through shame without help. Shame alters a person in many different
ways that we sometimes do not even realize. You need a therapist or a
life coach or a spiritual mentor who can help you move through these emotions.
Remember shame causes you to believe that
you are the mistake that needs to give up and give in. Most shame screams
so loudly that you begin to act out the very things which make you ashamed.
I encourage you to embark on a journey to
heal the shame that may be binding you.
No comments:
Post a Comment