If Santa Is Not White; then God is Not a Christian

The hoopla over the statement that Megyn Kelly from Fox News made concerning the racial appearance of Santa Clause should not cause alarm.  The statements which she made should actually cause us to think more intently about ourselves, because it’s not just Megyn Kelly that sounds ignorant, many of us suffer from the same disease.

It’s the disease of microcosmic thinking. 

Why, as a nation that was birthed out of the pains of diversity, do we as Americans have such a microcosmic mindset.  The way we encounter life is based upon our cultural, ethnic, environmental and religious connections and then most of us turn these small connections into the way which we believe the world should operate as a whole.  When it does not happen in such a way, we criticize, judge, and disregard the so called “other” because we feel ultimately that our small little world is right.  Then, when our little world is challenged, we become frightened, offended, and instead of trying to understand we close the door.

 I am not agreeing with anything Megyn Kelly stated, but the reason why it caused such an emotional upheaval is because many were offended at how someone could claim ownership over an entity that holds humanity’s universal goodness in its pocket.  A cultural icon that represents hope, promise, and innocence…and saying only one ethnic group could represent such characteristics is a slap in the face to the democracy of America.

But it’s amazing how we do this same thing with the image of God.  Many Christians believe that they have the one true God and many Muslims regard the way they worship God as the light of what Allah truly embodies.  God is neither Christian nor Muslim, but like Santa, we want God to be what we are because we have attached our very self to the nature of who, what, and how God is portrayed.  For instance, it’s like a child that sees their mother for the first time offer love to another person and that child can’t believe that their mother can offer love to another person that is not them.

But God is God all alone without the help of any human being.  If every Christian, Jew, and Muslim vanished, God would continue to be God and operate as God. 

What am I saying?

We, as human beings whether American or not, must not believe our own hype and importance so much that we lack understanding and compassion for the ways of another.  We must stop looking at the world through a mono-colored lens that coats another’s experience with judgment and criticism and began to put on multi-colored stain glassed lenses which would help to develop us into the humanity we are so fighting to become.

We can talk about Megyn Kelly all day long, but why, when I am sure many of you do the same thing. Maybe it’s not about Santa, but maybe it is about God, homosexuality, education, economy…you have placed your foot on something and claimed it to be only one way while disregarding the voice, experiences, and humanity of another.

Now that does not represent the holiday spirit.  Does it?

Treat Life like it is a Pancake

Pancakes...Crepes...whatever you want to call these fluffy little delights that are so delectable.  

I do not like to cook, but love to eat; and pancakes is one of the few dishes that I do not mind making.  I would make them every morning.  There is something about pouring the batter in the middle of the pan and trying to create that perfect circle.  Then watching the edges bubble, which was a sign that it is ready to flip. 

Even if I did not make a perfect circle, I did not throw them out.  Even when parts were not cooked all the way through, I just cut those parts away.  But I would never discard a pancake because of it being imperfect.

Then as I got older I realized that pancakes/crepes go great with everything.  Its like they maintain their goodness while complementing the goodness of another ingredient. Whether its strawberries, whip cream, eggs, cheese, spinach, ice cream, bananas, tomatoes, pears…okay I could go on. You get the point.

Thinking about this today, we should all treat our lives more like pancakes. 

When things don’t happen perfectly we tend to panic and want to run and hide.  We stop living and begin to waste time thinking about how things could have been differently.  We begin to look for blame or blame ourselves which causes us to sit in one place and become stagnant, and whether water or a person; when something becomes stagnant it stinks.  

You stink because you become stuck on one thought instead of just learning from it, cutting away the bad parts, and continue to move through it.  Its just like I did with the pancake, I cut away the bad and kept the good.  You also begin to throw your entire being away because of a mistake.  Whether its a relapse, lost job, missed opportunity, failed attempt at something...we throw our entire self away.  You begin to think you are the mistake and not that you made a mistake.  

When something does not happen perfectly; when you get to a point in life and you are not where you would like to be.  When you are standing on the outskirts of your life and you feel further and further away from the dreams that you had as a child…well it sucks. But this is the time you must make a decision whether to settle or to fight.

Its at this point when you must cling to the goodness that you still have and through that goodness the possibilities will come.  The only reason pancakes go great with everything is because its filled with such goodness.  Attach your spirit to the good parts about yourself.  Do not keep replaying the mistakes because that is what you will see about the person you are becoming.  If you continue to do that you will never feel good enough.  

Your good parts are your talents, your gifts; the things that people would miss about you if you were not there.  If you do not know ask people what they think your gifts are, ask people why they like you, or why are they your friends.  People that you can trust because not everyone is worthy to be asked that question.

Do not stop living just because your life seems terribly imperfect.  If you concentrate on that which is good, you will again begin to see the possibilities that life has to offer you and only you.

Cheers my friend and continue living.

Must Have No Expectations

Black Friday just passed (if you live in the US of A) and it did not disappoint most people.  It started on Thanksgiving too, which I think they did last year, so there were more hours and chances to run out and buy stuff.  Mmm…did you do the Black Friday thing?  I remember one year I did it and I swear I had an asthma and anxiety attack in one.  I could not catch my breath; it was just too many people and I felt the greediness in the air.  It was like a thick dark cloud that seeped in the skin of each person turning once sane humans into possessed creatures.

But why is Black Friday so huge…Is it because of the sales? Maybe.  Is it because it’s a good time with friends & family? Could be.  I have a feeling it’s because people have an expectation about this day, which for many leads them into the holiday season.

It’s the expectation that this season will be different and the buying of items to make others happy and ourselves happy will somehow help us to float on a happy cloud the rest of the year.  Problems during this time even feel smaller because of the expectation of the holiday season.  It’s really contagious!!!

Expectation is an emotion that grabs at you; it grabs at your core.  It places you in the center of your hopes and dreams.  But here is the devastating part about expectations; it puts you in the middle of your personal fairytale that you then place on another thing or another person’s life. 

One of my mentors in my head, Wayne Dyer, mentioned in one of his books 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, is to have no expectations.  I know people may be thinking to have expectations is to think positive.  Think about times when you have placed expectation on something or someone.  What happens is we create a story surrounding how we think something should happen/ someone should act and we become attached to it.  Once we become attached to it when it does not happen, we become frustrated, depressed, irritable, and negative. 

There is no middle ground with expectations.

Here is how you have no expectations:

1       

              Understand that you have no control over anything or anyone; the only thing you have control over is yourself

2    

               Be in the moment.  Having expectations means you are trying to define the future and forgetting about the moments.  The only way the future can be successful is to be in the moment.

3      

       Be realistic.  Expectations deny the realism in the moment. 

4      

       Remember goals always have to do with you.  So goals are good.

5     

       Remember expectations have less to do with you & more to do with that which exist

on the outside of you.

6

       Be you!!! That’s the only expectation you should ever have in life is to be the best you, you can possibly be.

7    

     

 No Expectations!!!

  

I h            I hope you found this blog helpful.  I have had expectations before and I continue to fight against it.     

Ev            Every time I have expectations I miss the lesson and blessing in the moment.

Chasing Dreams

Chasing dreams takes courage because it is a journey that is at times lonely.

There are times when life gets hard and during those times we begin to feel alone, not just alone but lonely.  These are scary times because no human being wants to feel lonely.  Its during these times that we feel like running.  Running away from the current struggle and the current existence of the feeling of loneliness.  

Loneliness is a strange emotion.  It comes and goes like a tide against the shore.  It crashes against your soul and once you think it has left it begins to creep up again.  It almost feels as if you will have a shadow of loneliness over you and around you for the rest of your life.

Its during these times that are the most important times in any human beings life that wants to see a dream become a reality.  These are critical times because its within those moments when your life is trying to shift you into a new direction. 

For instance, have ever driven a car or have been a passenger in a car and directions are being given either from a GPS or from someone, well during these times of travel to new places each person must be focused.  Whether the driver or passenger, the only thing that is being talked about is how to get to this new place.  If someone is giving directions everyone must keep quiet so the driver can hear.  Or if you are following a GPS everyone begins to look at the GPS to see which way to go.  During these times of much needed direction, the wrong turn can cause you to become lost.  So, most instances the car is quiet and focused.

This is like life.  I am Christian but whether you are Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish, or a spiritual person that believes that a higher positive power exist within the universe...there comes a time when life will cause you to be alone.  But for us, alone means that we are not good enough, that we are not successful, or that we are not talented or gifted.  

Being alone for most people means being lonely, but these are two separate things.  It actually means that Jesus, Allah, Buddha, or God is trying to direct your path and you can not be distracted.  Sometimes friends, family, and the routine that you are used to must be removed.

The reason why this is critical is because if you run, you will miss your next breakthrough, your next blessing, or God's blessing upon you.  In order for you to receive this you must be set apart so you can receive direction clearly.  This time is hard because it almost feels as if your life is being rearranged and you have to find a new way to operate in it.

Just be patient and hold on and know that you are not done and it is not over.

Chris Breezy...Tell 'em why you mad son!!!

This blog is about Chris Brown's violent altercation, and the mayor of Toronto who was caught smoking crack.  I am not saying their experiences are the same, but they are both evidently in pain.

First and foremost my heart goes out to both of them.  It is hard out here just to be a human being and deal with your stuff on day to day basis.  To deal with the stuff that has been given to you from childhood experiences, from broken relationships that one must deal with whether broken emotionally or physically, and also just stuff that comes with just being an individual.

Mix that also with being in a position which the spotlight is on you in such a way that you are under a microscope, most people would not be able deal with this, but it’s also ironic how most people want to get to this level in life.  Chris Brown and Toronto’s mayor are in such extreme personal pain and turmoil that we as onlookers will never know. 

So, you may ask, how do I know?  Well…you see whatever we feel about ourselves internally always comes out in an external way.  For instance, show me a person that continuously talks about other people, and then I will show you a person that is highly critical of themselves and most likely does not like who they are as a person.  Also, show me a person that has done nothing with their life, then I will show you a person that is very insecure and does not believe they are worth it. 

When we are angry, depressed, frustrated, anxious, insecure etc. it shows up in our life. People believe, especially in this get rich era, that things can remove these deep dark emotions.  No amount of money, friends, fame, or success can cover it up.  It will show up and sit on your shoulder just waiting to be seen. 

I coach people to create success.  As a Breakthrough Coach, I help people to create success, ignore fears, and generate income.  But, I help people to create an internal success.  You can try to become a success and it will probably happen like it happened for Chris Brown and the mayor of Toronto.  Also, you will probably become a big star like Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston.  But you are just a freight train going fast, filled with all this stuff, which is going to crash and crash hard.

People forget that while there is an external process to success such as degrees and networking; there is also an internal process that must happen.  The internal process, which you check in with yourself and are honest about the emotional pain that you are feeling.  Be honest about the reason why you have wealth and success but still feel empty, being honest about the reasons why you are in a wonderful

relationship but are still trying to sabotage it, or the reason why you still feel insecure when you are further today than you were yesterday.

We all put a date and time on our pain.  We say to ourselves when this or that thing happens I will be different, or if this person would treat me better than my life would change.  It has nothing to do with anything or anyone; it just has to do with you. You cannot run away from yourself. When you try to do that, you just run in circles.

Chris Brown and the mayor of Toronto are in deep rooted pain.  They just choose to deal with it differently, one gets into violent altercations and the other one smokes crack.  It may sound funny but it is not.  Just like unresolved pain is chipping away at them, it chips away at all of us. 

It’s when we feel like we are a mistake and our life will continuously involve pain and heartache, that pain stops chipping and begins to take.  It takes our moments, it takes our spirit, and it takes our destiny.

If you have unresolved pain, seek help in some way.  I am not ashamed to say that I have seen a therapist and it has helped a great deal.  But seek help in the way that makes you feel comfortable…talk to a pastor, talk to friends that care, meditate or pray.  Just seek help.  You have greatness do not let your pain rob you of that.

Chris Brown and the mayor of Toronto is just an example of the pain that most of humanity is in right now.  We all just choose to deal with it differently.

Until we connect again, may your dreams remain abound.

How I stopped being an “Angry Black Woman”

                

It’s funny… the phraseology of being an “angry black woman”, one says those three words together and no one asks why, it’s just taken as fact.  If someone used the phrase, angry white woman, or angry asian woman, people would ask, why is she so angry.  But no one seems to ask that when it is concerning black women.  It’s as if people are used to the stereotypes that the media has offered or just maybe they empathize with the struggle and agree that black women have a right to angry.  But, it’s probably more the former than the latter.

Let me introduce myself; my name is Meagan McLeod and I am in recovery from being an angry black woman.  I grew up in a single parent home with my father’s presence available.  My mother was very intelligent and my father is also, they taught me the power of learning and the power of being able to have an individual thought that encompasses my ideas and not the recycled ideas of society.

I learned early on that I was black even though I have a very European name like Meagan and I have a light complexion; I was never confused about my ethnicity.  Let’s revisit my name for a moment.  My mother told me she intentionally looked for a name that was European in its roots so that I would be accepted.  I was told this when I was around 12.  Then my parents always made sure I spoke with grammatical ease and not a roughness which plagues many youth that are raised in urban settings.   I was taught early that I had to be excellent in my walk, talk, and dress. 

This was the beginning of my anger.  I thought why must I work so hard to be considered a human being of greatness on this planet.  Internally I began to rebel.  When I became a teenager I began to think differently.  I thought as soon as I move out I will get locs (Yvonne McLeod forbid locs),  I also thought from this point forward I will only watch Black TV shows and movies even if I have to go back to the 70s.  I was obsessed with watching old video tapes of Martin Luther King Jr., Stokley Carmichael, and Malcolm X.  I wanted to learn how to be a leader and carve my own path.  I wanted to learn to appear strong and break every bias that anyone ever thought about a black woman or being black.  I wanted to be EXCELLENT!!!!!

Being this type of excellent made me stern, controlled, and lacking emotion.  It made me hide from weaknesses and ashamed of my mistakes.  This type of excellence made me forget who I wanted to be and made me want to become what I felt society wanted to see.  I was concerned with always saying and doing the right things.  After all, I had to excellent and being a black woman meant that nothing was given, so I had to fight and fighting meant hiding behind a cold hard exterior.

It was not until I met a wonderful coach, Jani Moon (look her up, she is awesome), who coaches professional speakers and experts.  She asked me was I ever in the army (go figure)…then she explained to me that I need to let go and be vulnerable.  Then it hit me that I have been living a life that has been created by a society that teaches us to act and react a certain way based upon our ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion etc.  It’s the first time I realized, that the thing that I was running from, I actually ran toward.

I ran towards being excellent but being excellent in a way that allowed me to appear together in the eyes of society.  I went to a great high school (Central); I attended college, and graduated and started a career.  I always networked with people that were doing things so in my head I thought I looked as if I had it all together.  But I was leaving something behind…me.

Through all of that I was not honoring me.  I am not talking about the black in me or the woman in me…but just me.  The me, which does not care about the color, religion, or sexual orientation.  I was not honoring my personality.  The personality in me that truly does not care about always saying the right things or looking the part, but the part that wants to be free from my weaknesses by announcing them and not caring how it may appear.  The part that wants to scream, “Yes, I am afraid of failing” and keep walking because who isn’t.  It’s the part that recognizes we are humans first and we all struggle at the “being” part.

All of us fall into a trap based upon the stipulations that have been given to us by invisible societal cues.  How we should act based upon our cultural, ethnic, or religious background; whether you are a white male, black female, east indian female, or asian male.  We are given certain directions which we accept without thinking about why we are following them.  This is what divides us and causes us to not live authentically into our full selves.

I am in recovery from being an angry black woman because I realize that life is much more fun and exciting when you live in the moment and not have to have the answer to every question. It’s more exciting when you do not hide from mistakes but ask for help.  It’s more relaxing when you are able to meditate in the moment and know that it will be ok no matter what. Truth be told, I am a work in progress.

Whether you are black, white, latino, asian, or east indian; whether you are straight or gay; whether you are christian, jewish, muslim, or buddhist; whether you are male or female…we have all fallen into a role that has been given to us based upon our categorical biases.  I type the previous descriptions in lower case because they should not be the thing which names us.  The things that should name us, is that which will never divide who we are in our spirit and it’s also what connects all of us within our souls, which are our pain, our fears, and our dreams.  

Why I No Longer Strive For Greatness

Being great…that’s all people seem to want now adays.  There are so many ways a person can be seen as great or be labeled as great.  There are reality shows, having a hit song, having a certain economic status, playing a sport, or having a large number of Facebook friends, twitter followers, or contacts on LinkedIn.

I remember when I was growing up it took a lot for someone to see you as great.  You could not just have a hit song, the entire album had to be a hit and you had to actually have talent.  A person had to accomplish something that made a significant imprint on the fabric of society and not just act simple on television.  I mean, you had to be excellent in what you were presenting to the world.  Now, we accept mediocrity and spin it with smoke and mirrors so it appears great.  But, in all honesty how many people that are known today are actually great?  Think about the people that are the highlight of our conversations and our TV stations, if they were no more would their contribution to the framework of society be missed?

I had a meeting with a mentor and we were discussing my journey and a door that I closed on an opportunity.  I explained to him that I closed the proverbial door because I did not think it would lead me to the path of greatness of how I imagined it.  Yes, I have always imagined myself making a positive and dynamic mark in this world, but I always saw myself leaving a financial legacy behind for my family that would last many generations.  I closed certain opportunities that I thought would not lead me there.  The meetings that I was taking and the opportunities I was developing was totally based on this false surface definition of greatness.

A greatness that is defined by things, titles, connections, and notoriety; rather than focusing on a greatness that is defined by compassion, courage, perseverance, fortitude, and creativity.  Such as the greatness that Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, JFK and Gandhi displayed or the greatness of artists such as Picasso and Basquiat, or current thought leaders such as Thich Nhat Hanh.

It is scary to try and be great in this current world and current economy.  It is so easy to get caught up in how it appears and how your greatness looks to other people.  It is scary to think that if you are not making a certain amount of money or connected to the right people that have a certain status then others will not even deem you as being great.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am changing my definition of greatness. On this journey toward greatness I will not define it by what I acquire but I will now define it by what and who I have been able to touch and change.  I thought I was doing that but I guess I was scared to totally let go and allow greatness to define me and not me define greatness.  For greatness never points toward the tangible, it always points toward that which can’t be seen but only felt.
 

Until we meet my friend may your dreams remain abound.

Oprah Winfreys Nervous Breakdown & What it can teach You

MIley Cyrus is Brilliant

You guys can say what you want.  You can judge her all you want to and even talk about how she is the reason why teenagers are having sex.  You can even laugh at her.  But guess what?!!!  You have been caught in her brilliant marketing plan and scheme to get people talking about her, her songs, and how she has changed.  You do not know how much you are helping her to excel.  It’s like people don’t want to watch her but then they can’t help but watch her.  Men watch her for the obvious and women no matter how much they complain about her appearing a certain way; they secretly wish they had her confidence.

AT the VMA’s she was the most tweeted about more than any other star getting something like almost 250,000 twitter mentions per minute.  Her videos on VEVO are watched almost more than any other artist.  She just set a 24 hour record on VEVO of video views of 19.3 million.  We, America, are trapped in her marketing web.  Also, she did something quietly that we are failing to mention and that is she has crossed over.  Little black girls from the hood are singing, listening to, and buying Miley Cyrus music more than ever. (Is this a fact…not really but the little ones in my neighborhood are singing it so I figure they represent every other little girl in every other hood in America.)

My hat goes off to Miley Cyrus and her marketing team!!!!  Congratulations!!!  They have done what many artists try to do, and that is leave an imprint in our cerebral cortex.  No matter how much we dislike the image.

Marriage Equality

Emeli Sandé - Next To Me

The Two Week Curse

So it is the day before pay day…maybe you feel like you are being rewarded for what you have contributed to the company.  Maybe it feels like you are a respectable citizen of society doing what you are supposed to do.  Or maybe you feel like you deserve more and the company should offer you more.

Whatever your feelings, many people work as if they are robots receiving a check every two weeks.

Here is the problem with that mindset.

Not Knowing Your Worth

You become comfortable with receiving a certain amount every two weeks, so you begin to build your life around it.  Your value and worth becomes directly connected to the amount of your paycheck.  The problem with this is that your worth should be defined from within and not from a check.  

When the recession first happened in the US and many experienced job loss, it was  devastating to so many because people not only lost their job; they felt as if they lost their dignity and their worth.  They became comfortable with allowing a check to define their worth.

This is a problem because your worth is defined within a period of two weeks not by goals that have been accomplished.  Tangible wealth begins to define you and not intangible wealth which must come from you defining who you want to become in this world.    When you believe you are worth more than your every two week pay check, you begin to seek more.      

You must know your worth.  (Blog topic on Tuesday: How to Know Your Worth)

Short-term Thinking

I know people that hate their job but they do extra hours.  I do not get it.  If your job does not satisfy the core of your purpose or you have a feeling that there is more out there for you to do, why would you spend more time there.  You do it because you have become more attached to the check than you have to the value of living the best and greatest life that you can.

We begin to think about life in terms of getting paid every two weeks in stead of becoming disciplined in setting long term goals and waiting for the reward.  We have become a society that searches for the reward immediately, though it may be small, and not dedicated to a longer process to receive a greater reward, emotionally and financially.

Blocked Vision

I have spoken with many people that will not work hard at another path because it seems as if money will not come right away.  The late great Jim Rohn stated that the most important hours for success is what you do after work.  The only thing most people see is the job that is front of them and the check that comes every two weeks.    Their vision is blocked to only see what is being given to them not what they can build for themselves.  

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Think if you would actually go after the life that you have often dreamed about, the life that has you building the job of your dreams, the life where you actually get to know the best parts of who you are each day and its celebrated.  Not a life which you are tolerated and you tolerate things just to get a check every two weeks.

A job is great and receiving a check every two weeks is wonderful, but if you allow that check to cause you to become comfortable with a life that does not celebrate the totality of what you can become, then that means that you have become satisfied with the life another has given you. You, my friend, are worth more than that.

People Can Make You or Break You

Your relationships can tell a lot about you.

 My mother would say to me be careful of a person that has no friends and when you meet their friends it tells a lot about the individual.

I did not get that until I reached adulthood of course.  I realized that the people who surround you can make a big difference in your life.  My mother was so dedicated to this idea when my sister and I were kids that she did not let us go outside and play with kids in my neighborhood because she thought they were a bad influence.  I hated it!!! I thought she was the worse mother in the world.

As I matured I found out that people can either help you get the best from life or they can cause you to become stuck in the same place.  If you are surrounded by people that are driven and want a life that they create with a purpose, you will do the same thing.  But if you are around a group of people that expect nothing from life or themselves, you will react the same way.

I am sure you have heard the saying, they act like crabs in a barrel.  This is a true statement because like crabs, people imitate the movement of those that surround them.

It is fact that we learn more about ourselves and become better people when we are in relation with each other.  But who we allow in our lives makes a big difference in the outcome of our lives.

Who are the people in your life?

Stop Being Mediocre

People are so awe struck by celebrities and pseudo-celebrities, and I am sure we all know the distinction. We are so engrossed by their lives and their existence because we believe for some reason they are special and more deserving of the life they have created for themselves.

 Newsflash: they are not. There is no difference between them and you internally. Some of them have had really difficult lives as a child and had to struggle to become who they are and create the career they have developed. But here is the difference: they have decided to create their life and not allow their life to create them.

 No one is born into greatness (unless you are Prince Harry and Prince William), but each one of us is designed for greatness to happen. I know some of you are thinking at this very moment, my life is not great; therefore, I must not be designed in that way. But ahh... here is the thing; it has been your choice of whether to take the path of greatness or mediocrity. No circumstance or person can cause you to choose either path. It must come from your personal will to do so.


 The path of greatness is much harder than the path of mediocrity, because you actually have to create some expectation for yourself, other than going to a 9 – 5 and coming home and watching TV. Trust me; greatness is not just about a career it’s about your life in its totality from relationships to career.

 The next couple of steps will detail how to create your life for greatness:

  1. Choose your Relationships

The only relationship you can't choose is your family. But your friends and your partners are actually a choice. Recently, I said to myself I want to strategically choose my friends. I don’t want to fall into a friendship because we work at the same job or live in the same neighborhood. But I want to consciously think about the friendship. Is this the type of person that will enrich my life in a positive and inspiring way?

 2. I am great

 If you do not believe it then it will not happen. I want you to repeat this over and over again until you believe it. You can’t be what you do not believe. If you repeat this statement, your life will begin to show you evidence of how great you are and can become. Say it until it sticks.

  3. Stop being Comfortable

You can’t be comfortable and be great. Greatness involves risks and chances. It involves sometimes believing in your gut when society is saying no. A piece of advice a mentor gave me that I always remembered, you should always get butterflies throughout life because then you know that you are grabbing the bull by the horns.

 4. Learn the Lesson

Stop feeling sorry for yourself!!!! Learn from your last failure and your last mistake. You can't learn from it if you are sitting in it. So don’t sit in it… stand in it, look at it, inspect it, write it down, and keep it moving.

 5. Be in the Present 

Stop comparing your yesterday to today. Stop holding onto a relationship that’s over. Stop regretting the opportunity you missed. Your blessing and your breakthrough is in the now. Your next opportunity is in the now. If you are thinking about your yesterday and your next day, you will miss the many opportunities in this day.

Meditation: Changed My Moments

Meditation has been calling me for a while now.  I am a graduate from Lutheran Theological Seminary and I have my Masters in Arts & Religion so I thought it was God just calling me to spend more time in prayer.  But it was not and I could feel like there was something more, something missing.

To be honest, the reason I knew there was something missing was because I was still feeling anxious and not at peace.  Prayer was not giving me that peace.  When I told different people this, some would say I was not praying right and others would tell me that I am not spending enough time in prayer.  I immediately thought I have been praying more than half my life and one thing I know about prayer is there is not a specific way to pray nor is there a certain proper length of time to remain in prayer.  I dismissed that advice.  But this uneasiness continued to remain within me.

Until one day, I realized what was happening.  I was praying with expectation and canceling out the moment I was in presently.  I would pray for change and then get up and want God to work in a big way immediately.  I was so frustrated with the current moments in my life that I wanted change to happen immediately or at least a sign.  I was so frustrated that I could not see the blessings in my present situation.  The blessings that I would always tell other people not to take for granted.   It was not connecting for me.  I would pray and ask God to work not getting that God was working.

On my way to meditation class I started thinking, I hope I do really well and I hope I do not fall asleep.  I get there.  I walk in and it was very peaceful.  A person at the desk greeted me and the meditation leader, Chris, was standing there.  He smiled and said welcome.  He asked me to take my shoes off before entering and I thought I suspected that would happen so I wore really nice socks.  Anyway, he asked what made you come and I was honest and said it’s been calling me.  I immediately became shy and said I hope that did not sound weird. Chris smiled and said no, it was a beautiful description.  

He asked me would I like to sit in a chair or on the floor.  I told him the floor so he gave me a carpet to sit on and a u-shaped pillow.  He guided me to sit on the carpet and informed me the pillow is used to help take the pressure off.  He said I could sit any way I pleased or lay on the floor.

I sat with my legs crossed and placed the pillow on my lap.  Chris explained that he plays a song that we can meditate on and then he reads something from a master and then go into two 20 minute meditation sessions.  When I arrived I was the only one there so he wanted to wait a couple of minutes.  Then he said that he guess I am the only one and that this has never happened and he has been teaching the class for three years.  He said that there is an energy that really wants you to meditate.  Then he informed me that I should not try to meditate, just meditate.  He explained that effort is not involved just be.  He told me that many Westerners use effort for everything and it’s not needed.  This took a lot of weight off of me with meditation and other things in my life.  I thought, yeah just be what God is calling you to become.  That effort turns into anxiety, stress, and worry.  As a speaker and an author, there is no effort just preparation but through that preparation I should just be. 

We get started.  The first session I closed my eyes and my thoughts were racing.  Chris was guiding me throughout the meditation in a very soft peaceful voice.  He said that when my thoughts come do not ride that wave for long but concentrate on the water fall and also my breathing to bring me back to center, back to the present.

My thoughts surrounded everything from future goals to things I was worried about at that moment.  Then I would let them go and start to think about my breathing or concentrate on the water fall in the background.   They would go away as if they were a puff of smoke.   Then I heard something that I had not heard in a while…surrounded by silence and peace I heard, everything is going to be ok and everything is ok right now.  I almost cried because I have not heard that in a while.  Then he hit a bell and the first session was over.  I felt great!!! We talked and he said that meditation is just focused energy to the present.  There is no such thing as a good or bad meditation session it just is. 

I explained to him that I have achilles tendinitis and it began to hurt.  I did not get upset I focused on it to stop hurting and I explained that I it stopped but it felt like my foot fell asleep.  He explained that what was happening was that my energy was going there and allowing the pain to decrease and I felt a tingling.  He said there is a healing power in meditation.  This impressed me even more.  I could not believe it.  He told me that this is coming natural for me.

We started the second 20 minute session and my first thoughts were you are not a natural and you are not going to have the same relaxed feeling.  I could not believe it because I always thought of myself as a very positive person with positive thoughts.  I recognized it and I knew it was a lie. Then I let that thought go and quiet and peace returned again.

I felt as if I had just gotten a massage!!! I felt so relaxed.  I was okay to be in my present moment and I finally see the beauty in them.  Meditation taught me to be in the moment but not of the moment.  I do not have to be anxious or worried but things are happening as they should be.  I still have goals I want to accomplish but right now is ok and tomorrow will be fine, because it’s all connected.   I am definitely going tonight and I have incorporated 5 minute meditation sessions in my personal daily routine, once in the morning and at night. 

I continue to pray but prayers are filled more with gratitude than anxiety and worry.

I love meditation.

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Champagne Taught Me a Lesson

I went to the adult juice store, as I sometimes do when I have had a long day, a sunny day, or just a day.
As I stared at the wine section, walking up and down the aisle, as if I was a wine connoisseur and knew all about wine, I turned around and my eyes connected with the champagne section.

I picked up one of the bottles and I began to think of all the things I was working toward in my life. I thought I can not wait to buy a bottle of champagne and celebrate those things.  Then I thought, I do not have anything to celebrate at this moment, so I put the bottle back.

As I walked down the aisle, I stopped and I looked at myself and thought, "What did I just do?"  I did the thing that I tell my clients not to do.  I let my negative thoughts decide my actions in the moment, which means I robbed myself of having an authentic moment.

I corrected that negative voice immediately and thought of all the things I have to celebrate.

1. I am breathing.
2. I am able to walk.
3. I do not live on the street.
4. I have a job
5. I have the possibility of making my life better.
6. I have my health.
7. I have the grace of God guiding my footsteps.

After I went down this mental checklist...I walked back to the champagne bottle and picked it up. Then I thought I am not going to wait to celebrate future events that may happen.  I am going to celebrate now for the moment I am standing in.  This is the moment I have and this is all I have, I do not know what is going to happen in the next moment.  I just know what is happening in this present moment.

Don't wait to celebrate life because you do not know when it could be over so the only thing you have is this moment.  This very moment.

Get out of your authentic way, look at the moment, count your blessings, and celebrate!!!!

Standing in the Shadow of Shame

I am currently reading a book entitled, "Healing The Shame That Binds You" written by John Bradshaw.  I encourage everyone to read this book, but one of the things I have learned is that there is a difference between shame and guilt.

Guilt is when people feel like they have made a mistake.  Shame is when people feel they are a mistake.  When a person feels shame they continuously focus on their pain and not finding a solution.  Guilt accepts the mistake then tries to find a solution within the pain.  Many people have felt both of these emotions at different points within their lives but with different amounts of intensity.  Anyone who says they have not is either lying or have not been introspective enough within their own lives to figure it out.

A period in my life which I felt shame was as a child and leading into my mid-twenties.  My shame was that my family lived in poverty.  While in grade school, a friend was supposed to sleep over; well my friend's parent called my mother and explained that my friend could not come because the neighborhood was not safe enough  It hurt me and it told me in so many ways that my home was not good enough.

I became ashamed of the financial situation of my family.  I worked hard from that point to cover it up my shame.  I did not maintain friendships during high school because I was ashamed that I could not hang out with my friends and buy clothes because of my family's financial situation.  I realized that my life was not as privileged as others around me.  So I began to work hard to prove to others that I was special, but at the same time feeling so insecure about whom I was as a person.

I was basically running from my past...at least trying to run.

It was not until my mid 20s that I stopped running from the shame of my family's financial situation and began to stop making decisions based on trying to prove my childhood wrong because that was not living authentically.  I was living to turn a truth into a lie. 

The truth is that I did have a childhood that was filled with financial hardship, such as moving often and at times food scarcity.  That was not my total truth. 

My total truth is that I had a loving mother who cared for me deeply, a family that helped often so things would not become too rough, and I still had hope and a driving destiny.

You may feel ashamed about something; maybe its abuse that you have experienced, a mistake you have made, or maybe it has something to do with you.  I do not know what it is but here is how you turn something from away from the feeling of shame.

1. Know where it comes from

        Most shame comes from an external voice, action, or experience placed upon you.  Figure out where that hurt and pain comes from and know that you are not that experience, opinion, or the action that was done to you.  You are much more.

2. Understand that you are running

        Show me a person, who has an addiction issue, I will show a person that is running from shame.  Show me a person that struggles to show emotion and I will show you a person that is hiding something from themselves.  Know why you are running, most of the time it has to do with fear.

3. Get Help

         You cannot move through shame without help.  Shame alters a person in many different ways that we sometimes do not even realize.  You need a therapist or a life coach or a spiritual mentor who can help you move through these emotions.

Remember shame causes you to believe that you are the mistake that needs to give up and give in.  Most shame screams so loudly that you begin to act out the very things which make you ashamed.

I encourage you to embark on a journey to heal the shame that may be binding you.

Honor Your Weaknesses

When I was growing up one of the things I noticed about myself was that I was very shy and at times painfully shy.  When my mother would talk with me in a public setting she would always say to me, "Girl, if you don't speak up...I can't hear you."  This would embarrass me and I would usually turn red, become irritated, and not say anything at all.   When people would tell me I was
quiet, I would usually become defensive and tell them I am not and then offer a list of examples.

The fact is, I was very shy and I did not like to be the center of attention.  My favorite pass time when I was younger was reading a book.  I had friends but I did not feel the need to be with them all the time.  As I matured, my shy personality remained but it served me differently.

I always thought being shy was a weakness because that was what I felt and people would say that I must learn to stick up for myself.  (as if being quiet meant I was a coward) Until one day a teacher wrote a letter for me to get into a program and I will never forget that one of the statements she used to describe me was, "...still waters run deep."   I ran home that day and asked my mother what that meant.  She told me that it means you are quiet and calm, but there is something fascinating and exciting going on underneath (in your mind).

I thought yeah, there is. I will never forget that statement because it gave me the confidence to be exactly who I am.  I saw being shy and quiet as a weakness but when I became proud of it and confident about who I was, it turned from a weakness to a strength.

Now, that quiet spirit has served me to become intuitive, creative, very observant, and a great listener.

You may have things about your personality that have been labeled as a weakness.  Maybe you have been trying to cover it up.  Underneath your weakness is a strength that is a waiting to happen.  For example, if you show me a person that is very lazy I will show you a person who lacks confidence and a person who is scared to try.  You see there is a strength waiting to come out.

The thing about weaknesses is that most people are told so often by so many that they have a particular weakness, so they begin to stare so long at it that it becomes the only thing they see.  Now, as one hopefully progresses through life, one will always notice a weakness but that's just the universe pulling you into something greater to learn about yourself.

My current weakness is that I am very impatient.  I have never felt like this and I get frustrated often.  But each day I learn to deal with it a little differently.  Sometimes I count my blessings and other times I smell flowers.  I do things that make me have to see the beauty in my moments.

So...am I still quiet? Of course.  But now when people tell me I am quiet, I just respond with a smile and say, "Yes, I know."

Your Weakness is Your Strength

There is a great group by the name of Gnarls Barkley, which a line from one of their songs states, "Knowing your weakness is what can make you strong."

This is powerful because the only way one can grow and mature as a human being is to acknowledge their weaknesses. Buried in each weakness is a lesson that makes us stronger.  A lesson that guides us toward realizing that we do not know everything and can not do everything.  Learning your weaknesses is like hitting a wall which causes you to stop, stand still, and think for a moment.  If you have ever ran through a maze then you know what I mean.  Life is like a maze, at times we become confident and move fast and turn corners without thinking then all of sudden we hit a dead end.  The dead end could be losing a job; maybe the universe is trying to pull you in another direction.  The dead end could be a failed opportunity; maybe that opportunity would have blocked something better.  The dead end could be a broken heart; maybe, just maybe, it is trying to teach you to value yourself more than others.

Our weaknesses help to define and sharpen our lives so we are able to move forward in the pattern and way that will help us to create a life designed for our personal purpose.  When we come against a dead end we usually ask ourselves 3 questions: 1) What did I do wrong? 2) Could I have done something differently? 3) Is this right for me and should I try again?  

By asking those questions we learn about ourselves.

We become closer and closer to our authentic self
.

When you face your weaknesses that is when you began to become whole.  If you have a vase with cracks in it and you continuously tape up the cracks without truly fixing it, eventually the water will begin to leak out.  The cracks will begin to connect and the vase will no longer be whole.

This is just like us as human beings.  We find weaknesses and we cover them with stuff such as drugs, alcohol, people, money, laziness, and excuses.  Each weakness that we do not address leaves a crack in our soul and soon we are not able to hold anything within because we are no longer whole. This is how depression, anxiety, shame, and guilt creeps into our lives.

You know the greatest sound within music is the silence between the notes.  Without the silence there is just noise, one long note, but how, where, and how often the silence (the break between notes) is inserted makes the song slow tempo, fast, or mid tempo.  It gives music its genre whether jazz, hip-hop, pop etc.

So if you do not want to just create one long noisy musical note....

STOP!!! LOOK AT YOUR WEAKNESSES, HONOR THEM, AND LEARN FROM THEM


(Tuesday Blog: how to honor your weaknesses)

My 36th Birthday

I turned 36 today.

The questions asked: Do you feel wiser? No. Do you feel older? No.

I feel quiet.

Its weird to explain, but this is the first birthday that I don't feel like going out to a party or having a BBQ or the first birthday where I do not care who remembers or who forgets.  This is the first birthday where I don't care if people make it a special day or not.

Some may say oh because you are getting older.  That's not it, because I know older people that continue to expect others to make a big deal of their birthday, and that's ok because that is what they want.
Some may say you sound depressed, but believe me I work with people that are living with depression and that is not it.

So what is it?

Well, the quiet is me feeling grateful.  I am grateful to still be alive but its a different grateful.  Its an empty gratefulness.  What I mean is that its not grateful for a home, a car, a job, or a great partner.  Though I am glad to have all those things because there are many that don't.

I am grateful for an awareness.

You see I have been really working, thinking, and moving to get my speaking company off the ground.  I love working on my company but it was becoming a thing of let me get as many posts out as I can and as many twitter messages out as I can.  I got lost in tag lines and headlines and posts.

The awareness, well I began to become a little obsessed and attached to it, to the point that I thought my company (Meagan McLeod Communications) would not take off unless I had more followers and more people like my posts.  Here is the thing, many people experience this but its not about placing judgment its about being aware.

Society has made us believe, that if you do not have a lot of followers or friends on facebook then your career, within a certain arena, will not take off.

But here is what I became aware of...

Nothing can stop a career that is meant for you.  Nothing.

Here is the awareness, there are many things put out there to stop people from trying to own their dreams; religion, culture, race, education, beauty, and now social media status.  In ten years it will be something else.

The lesson is to be aware but not attached.  That is the difference. People are aware and attached to beauty when they get plastic surgery and believe it will help them move forward. People become aware and attached to education when they allow their lack of (education) to be the excuse of their failures in life.

I understand that these things do play a factor but they are not the deciding factor.  The deciding factor is your hard work, your determination, and your grit.  I am aware that I need more followers but I was becoming attached to it, in which I started to believe it was the deciding factor.

Maybe your thing may not be a career, but maybe its getting married, or a good relationship, or a great family, or being a good parent.  Maybe you have attached yourself to something that exist on the outside of who you are and you are aware of it but you feel like you need it.

I am here to tell you that you do not.  Just work hard at who you are and be the best human being and other things will fall into place.  Maybe, you feel like you can not meet a good guy or girl because its been so long or you missed your chance, and you are so attached to this thought that it is making you anxious.  This will be a turn off.  Maybe you are so attached to not wanting to fail,  that you have become stuck and have not tried to succeed.

Everyone has their thing.

The empty gratefulness is that I am happy to be me in this moment not looking at any benefits or future rewards just looking at myself.  This moment filled with uncertainty of whether my career will work, this moment not being where I want to be, and this moment of not having a bank account with six 0's in it.

But I like who I am and I like who I have become.  That, my friends, by the grace of God, is gift enough. I call it empty because its not filled with stuff, its just filled with me and God.

Peace be with you and grace abound.

Choices Hurt Our Decisions

We are living in a time when we have so
 many choices from foods to eat, places to visit, technology to buy, and things to occupy our time.  If you drive the length of five blocks in any urban city, you will have your choice of liquor stores, restaurants, corner stores, and churches.  Yet with these choices, liquor sales have increased, and attendance in churches have decreased.  We have so many choices like never before to communicate with people but yet interpersonal communication is a lost art.  We have lost touch with knowing how to speak to the humanity in people.  There are so many methods that save us time from microwaves to GPS systems, yet we are always in a rush.

Even though we have a plethora of choices, we still manage to make poor decisions.   But why is this?

People reject the process it takes to make decisions and see the results of making that decision become reality.  In order to make decisions that will change your life for the better, you must be conscious of your moments. To be conscious within your moments, means to be disciplined and not distracted.  To be disciplines means that we have to be patient.  Patience means that things do not come immediately but they come when Jesus Christ, the Universe, Allah, or Buddha believes your spirit is ready to receive that thing.

While there are more things in technology to assist in everyday living, those same things can pose as a distraction also.  How many times have you come home and just sat in front of the TV for the rest of the night while flipping thru over fifty channels.  I wonder how many of us watch anything which we actually learn something?  Watching TV is not the problem so much because how many people can resist it but what we are watching is the issue.  So, you watch all of this fluff then you complain that you are not moving forward in life.  Well, you can not move forward, when your conversation consist of only reality shows and sports.

That example may be extreme but it is true.  We give up our goals so quickly, we give up on love so hastily, and we hate ourselves so easily.  We do all of these things without question and accompanied by excuses.  I can not start a goal because my life is not right, or I can not change my life because this is the way its supposed to be.  Each person's life is the way it is because you are the sum of our choices.  Most of us do not remain in a decision making process long enough to create a positive impact within our lives. Instead we let things distract us and then use those things as excuses.

The question you should ask when deciding on the choices in your life:

1. Is this necessary?
2. How will it empower my life?
3. What changes will I have to make to make sure this choice is impactful?

We as human beings have so many choices yet most of us choose from things that are just within our reach and sometimes those things are not good for the person you could become in the future.  The amazing thing regarding our process of choice is that most of our choices have to do with the external and not the internal.  When is the last time you made a choice that would enhance your internal such as meditation, prayer, or personal development etc.  We have so much stuff covering us that we barely have time to find where our soul stops and our spirit begins.

Its not that we have too many choices which causes us to fail, its the simple fact that our many choices causes us to not make powerful intentional choices that will change our life greatly.  Choices that will affect the internal and therefore slowly change the external.

Remember, choosing to upgrade your phone does not upgrade you.

Until we connect again, may your dreams remain abound.

COMPASSION

  Have you ever just wanted someone to save you from yourself? Or have you just wanted someone to see the desperation in your eyes and tell you that its going to be ok?  I definitely have felt this way and I felt this way today.  Yes, I realize that I am an inspirational speaker and I give people Pep Talks but that does not mean negative thoughts are exempt from permeating the seams of my mind.  This also means that I appreciate when people tell me things will work out.

Today a friend contacted me thru text and said that he prayed for me yesterday at 4:30 in the morning.  That made me feel so awesome to hear that someone was not just praying for me (which is great) but it felt good to know that someone was thinking of me. I began to think about my friend, he is experiencing a rough time in his life and for him to take time to consider me is humbling.  I felt his compassion.

This made me think about the word compassion. I do not like the definition of compassion which is defined as a feeling of deep sympathy or pity for another. This definition misses something very important about the word compassion.  You see there are two principle stems that are missed here which are com meaning together and pati which means to suffer. Compassion means to suffer together.

In order for us to be and release compassion to one another we must know three things;

1.to be compassionate you must not stare at your issues... for if you stare at your issues long enough, they will develop an ego which will make you believe no one understands or can relate
2. to have compassion is to be aware, not to judge, another person's trying times;
 to be aware means but for the grace of the Divine the same thing could happen to you
3. to release compassion one must be open and honest about their journey and not guarded


Please know compassion is an energy that only becomes greater if we realize we are connected
and affected by the suffering of each person on this earth.  That energy pushes us into service for one another.
Compassion teaches a multitude of lessons involving understanding, humility, and love.

When is the last time you felt genuine compassion for someone?